In Japan, it is common for people to have human relationship issues and it might be a universal issue, mightn’t it?
I see many X posts in Japanese that mention the issue.
It seems like people care a great deal of what others think of them or how to be liked or not to be hated. Lots of methods or niches are posted there about how to manage human relationships.
Mainly they mention about their work relationships in the posts, I suppose.
Some say that we should just endure people’s bad behaviors or whatnot.
The number of posts and heaviness there would overwhelm me sometimes.
In a nutshell, people care what others think of themselves.
Some of us are anxious about the assumption that someone or some people dislike us or are going to hate us.
That is why we have to adjust ourselves to be liked or not to be hated by others.
Why is it so important for us not to be hated by others?
Why is it so important for us to be liked by others?
It is so important for us to feel like we deserve people’s popularity or don’t deserve to be hated by them.
It is like; being liked or not being hated=we are good people?
I say this is about self-images.
It looks like we are counting on people’s opinions on our judgments of what kind of people we are.
It is like we can decide that we are good people when people like us.
Is that right? Is it the right judgment method to decide who we are?
We should know that some people like or dislike someone or some people with selfish reasons, don’t they?
In that case, are we still bad people because someone decided to hate us?
Do you see some issues here?
The issue is that we count on people’s judgments to decide who we are while we don’t decide who we are on our own.
It is like, we are saying to the world;
“Please tell me who I am!”
“Please decide who I am!”
In that case, it would feel so anxious for us to step out to the world.
That is because we let people, who we don’t know well decide who we are.
In that case, we may feel very nervous to speak out or report to the big boss at work.
At work, we are supposed to focus on our productivity, right?
We are not so productive when we care too much about being liked or not to be disliked.
Your reporting to your supervisors could sound apologetic when you are afraid of your boss’s judgment on you too much.
Your boss wouldn’t like your reporting because he/she simply wants to know the status quo to keep the productivity at work but your feelings.
What about family, friends, or romantic relationships?
What is most important in your social and romantic life? Yes, of course, we should feel comfortable and have a good time in our social settings.
However, comfort doesn’t happen when we are nervous about being liked or not to be hated.
In that case, it is hard for us to just be ourselves or express ourselves.
It is so tiring when we cannot express ourselves or be ourselves, right?
That is why we need to decide who we are on our own.
Then we wouldn’t have to let others decide who we are.
Self-image is everything for our success, human relationships, and our lives.
Having and keeping a positive self-image is the most beneficial for you.
Take your self-confidence back in therapy with me!
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