Updated: Apr 28, 2020
As I observe people around me and also my own clients, of course always control is the issue. The more control you want to take, the more stress that you will get, I say. I learned from my own experience too..
In psychology, of course it is true too. Control is about how you would want things or people to be. You wouldn’t be able to accept them if the things or people are not certain ways.
It is a hard way for anyone to live. Not only for yourself but also for anyone near you when you are ultra particular, right?
In other words, you would have much less stress when you are flexible or careless in a good way. I say easy going is a key to stress free and everyone knows the formula.
Harder element here is this high standard in your control can be based on social standards or any values that are not your own. Can I say that some of us decide whatever we have as happiness or not based on social standards rather than their own value?
It is like factory products out of their standard called failure or out of standard. It doesn’t matter how unique the product is because it is out of standard.
Some of us try to standarlize not only selves but also their friends and partners. There are a lot of right ways to do in friendships and partnerships in this society that we follow. It you are out of standard, you are not a good friend or partner for sure.
It almost looks like we are keepng us away from our own happiness while we are desparetely seeking for it. I feel sorry when I see people who keep them away from their own happiness and too busy to follow our standards.
I wish everyone can decide what their own happiness is in their lives. Then we wouldn’t have to rely on social standards or values.
A lot of people say a lot of things because of their own personal reasons. Anyone could decide and say to you that you are not happy then you may question yourself about your own happiness.
In this pattern, it is easy for anyone to miss their own happiness in front of us in our everyday life.
It would be wonderful if we could all decide what our happiness is even when we are so apart and different from our social standards.
However unfortunately, our trend is to move us apart from deciding our own happiness is.
In the universal level, we have full of information how we live or what to do everyday or even how we feel about our lives. So many instructions and inputs that we can’t avoid.
Buried in the information of examples and standards, we came to believe that obtaining everything we want would make us happy. Money, success or whatever called would make us happy, we tend to believe.
Only handful people obtain their own success in this world. and they sometimes realize that they are not still happy when they own everything they wanted. So called “success” wasn’t really a solution for them that they realized.
They speak out about it that so called “success” can’t make people happy anyway. However vast of majority in this world wouldn’t accept the idea because they are not succeeded yet.
We still believe that so called “success” would make us all happy or at least so called “success” would make him/her happy at the end.
In the “success” formula, in the process of achieving your goal, all the way to the success is climbing up the ladder from the bottom, which often times described as hardship or unhappiness.
Everyone dreams of paradise or better lives while they are biting on their cheeks and work hard everyday, walking towards “success”. I say unsatisfied lives up to success that we all have.
Because of the belief, no one tells me how lucky they are, I see everyday. I see some and those people are millionaires on TV and speaking out of their success stories. Otherwise those don’t exist in my everyday life.
And yet, those who can speak out of their success stories are blessed ones because a lot of successful people put themselves into difficult situation such as overdose of drugs, arrested or addictions. Some of them pass in the result of their problems.
Those people must be the ones who made their dream come true. However they still have the same type of problems as us not yet succeeded ones have. Isn’t it true?
I must declare here, when we are not happy now, we are not going to be happy in the future whatever we get….
It may sound shocking but it is true. We seek and obtain in our lives. We get a husband when we want him and years later realize that he didn’t solve our own unhappiness.
Seek and obtain never work… However we repeat the cycles. We keep on seek and obtain, to be happy…
And one day, our life ends…
I mentioned at the begining that life would be more difficult when we try to control. Control is about wanting things or people in certain ways.
It means that we are not ok or satisfied with whatever and however the things or people are in our lives. That is why we want to control.
To fulfill the feelings of missing or unhappy, we seek and obtain. Because we believe that it would bring us happiness.
When we are “unsuccessful” in this way of thinking, we are all out of standard or unfinished products or immature. At least we are away far from our completion, which is called “success”.
It works in the way when we decided that things or people or ourselves should be in certain ways, far from true of ourselves. We decided that we are not good enough, well, not yet and in a wrong place, far from our “success”.
Because we were told to work hard and pushing through towards our “success” everyday. It is a gold standard for us to do so, right?
In the way of thinking, we don’t admire where we are now. Because it is not success, no, not yet. Yes, success story should be about people who climbed up the ladder from the bottom.
Unsatisfied with current situation because it is not good enough, that is a start line that we were taught in our social standards. To prove that, I don’t see anyone truly happy in my everyday life.
However happiness is all about self esteem and admiring self. That is a solid belief to support you that you are lucky and blessed. That happens when we love ourselves including the place we are staying at this right moment.
You wouldn’t feel lucky when you don’t like the place and situation you are at or you are not satisfied with yourself.
When you believe that you are lucky, you are supposed to love your situation and also yourself. At the end, whatever the situation you are in, you are the person who decides that is happiness or not.
I am aware of social concept of focusing on negatives and trying to fulfill the gap and that is one of those social standards too.
However happiness is all about paying attention to positives on yourself or anything else. We don’t change who we are in fundamental level. We just find opportunities to make use of our talents/who we are in our lives.
The greater your talents are, the more you could feel different from this entire world. Unique talents could be unaccepted by the society either. And yet unique talents have much higher chance to serve the world the best.
You could be out of your own way when you try to change yourself to be accepted by the society to obtain so called “success” in our society.
Then you may feel challenging in your everyday life. You see only hardships in your life then until the “success”.
The more uniquely talented and got potential in you, the more chance for you to be said that you are out of standard so you are not happy or you are not going to be successful.
Those challenges are the tests that prove how deeply and truly you can believe in yourself. The universe tries you how firmly you can believe in yourself.
There should be tests after tests until the day you are unshakable and your talents blossom.
In the tests, a lot of us give up on our believes because it doesn’t make money or just feeling out of standard.
It is called giving up on our dreams…
Success is not about being rich or famous. Success is about how much we can believe in ourselves, our worth or talents in our everyday life.
Tests after tests, we clear them everyday. That is not hardships but that is about success.
When we keep doing it, so called “success” in this three demential world would come to us.