It has been stressful and a lot of people are stressed with the situation of COVID-19. I say that a lot of people want to let off the steam out of them by any chances now.
The situation makes us feel whatever the way, that is what we believe. You make me feel lonely, you make me feel unloved, or my boss feels me I am dumb.
But is it true? We let people control our feelings? We let someone entitled to make us feel bad?
Sometimes even people who we don’t even care take our peace of mind away from us, right?
Or if the situation is bad enough, you are supposed to be feeling bad? You never feel happy in your hardship? Some people should never feel happy when they are sick? Someone should be lonely when they are single?
In my entire life, I believed so and I always blamed whatever the people, situation and environments that I was ever in.
I grew up in a very small town in Japan so far away from Tokyo and it was the origin of my bad luck, regret and blame there.
I felt like I wasn’t given fair opportunities to be successful from the beginning.
My parents didn’t have any proper education and unfortunately didn’t give me proper up-bringing and all that.
They are all true though I blamed on my domestic situation in my childhood and I felt comfortable enough to make excuses why I wasn’t successful or feeling unsatisfied.
There was always something like that. Not only my childhood, my parents and also my tiny little home town far from Tokyo, but also my other events in my life that made me feel less than others.
In my entire life, I was looking for satisfaction and emotional fulfillment and I realized that I was looking for happiness when I look back.
My situation looked like I was climbing on some ladders started from a small home town in Japan to Tokyo and to New York.
So many things happened to me and some how, I ended up with New York and looking forward to going to get a Master degree of Social Work in Michigan.
In New York, I wished I was a native speaker of English, or even white, or grew up in the way that my husband (now he is my ex-husband) did, middle class, loved and well educated.
I thought that I could conquer the world if I grew up like him.
It was alway something that I didn’t have and I blamed on it and I already knew the reason why I couldn’t get what I wanted nor satisfied in my life.
Great education, career, success and also of course happiness….
I was trying to feel the way I wanted to feel, long long time. I kept running in order to feel the way because I wanted it so bad.
I was totally behind already because I wasn’t born in the US and didn’t have proper care and education as a child though I tried to catch up with all of them.
A lot of regrets and unlucky feelings that I got in me but I still tried to get what I wanted.
I will talk about how I turned my life around in the tomorrow’s column.
Have a wonderful day!