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I was wrong in my entire life


Time flies as it is the last day of August today in New York. I have been uploading my website everyday for a few months though from the September, the updating will be random.

Hope that you will still enjoy my site. I wrote a lot in the past months so you have plenty to read!

I just want to make an announcement that my Japanese book published in 2017 will now have e-book version from this September 2020.

To be exact, Japanese Amazon and Rakuten Books will have e-book version of my book and the release date is September 30, 2020 as I just received email from my publisher, Bungeisha this morning.

Click here for Kindle of Japanese Amazon for Japanese readers.

Rakuten Books is here too for Japanese readers.

My US published book in English has paper and also e-book available to purchase. Click here for Amazon US.

Actually, from Amazon Japan, my English book is available to purchase too. Click here.

Anyway, I was talking about what I was looking for in my entire life as the other people absolutely look for the same.

If you don’t understand what I am talking about, please click here to read the column.

As I stated there, I grew up in the bubble economy in Japan. It was gorgeous. Everything was about materialistic all right for sure in the era.

In romantic relationships, we competed how we celebrated Christmas or what kind of gifts we got from the love interests, those are the sole topic amongst us in the era.

I know how shallow it sounds like though in the era, it was not easy for any of us to look into the depth of our our minds or think of anything but materials at all.

Size of affection and love depended on the size of the gifts we got, or how many stars the hotels we stayed or restaurant we dinned.

My first marriage was in the era so I had to get biggest stone around when I got engaged… Because I had to let my friends know how deeply my fiancé loved me and it depended on the carat of the diamond.

It was stupid, shallow and also gorgeous era and it was hard in Japan if you wanted to understand true meaning of the lives.

We had to achieve higher, do everything big and fancy, or buy more expensive the better all the time.

I have been to the Imperial Hotel in Tokyo at the main dinning and famous Sushi bars in Tokyo without paying any money. I was a young girl, that is what I mean.

After I moved to New York from Japan, my value was still there and kept going to nice restaurants like La Tour d’Argent, a famous French restaurant that got farms to raise their own ducks so every duck served in the restaurant got serial numbers.

I have been to the restaurant in Paris and ran into Woody Allen with his wife who was adopted daughter of Mia Farrow and probably their adopted little girl there.

I have been to the restaurant in Tokyo when I went to Japan at my 4 months of pregnancy with twins. I had to go to Japan for interviews for adoption of my deceased sister’s children then.

The restaurant was famous for sauce made out of duck blood and very rich and exotic. I remember that the little girl’s mom was asking for less exotic for the little girl in the restaurant in Paris when I saw them.

I couldn’t eat much… probably it was too rich for me as a pregnant woman. It is a very nice restaurant though it is not best choice when you are pregnant, I say…

Anyways, I wanted to explain my background and origin of my values too. It was materialistic as developing county in the high economy growth so I was looking for money to blame when I wasn’t feeling right around me.

I had a strong belief that money would make me feel great about everything.

That is why I believed that I was going to feel wonderful when my second husband got successful in the Wall Street.

However things didn’t work in the way at all… I wasn’t feeling wonderful at all…

Then, I came up with the fact that I didn’t have any child in my 10 years of the marriage then. I put money and efforts to be pregnant.

Finally I got pregnant with the boy and girl twins and they came out as amazingly healthy twins ever as 6 pounds each at their birth though I didn’t feel wonderful even then.

I was packing. I couldn’t figure out why I didn’t feel wonderful at all…

At the time, probably I was feeling the worst because I just ran out of ideas and strategy to feel wonderful. I obtained everything I wanted but I didn’t feel wonderful at the end…

I was puzzled as an Egyptian in fog.

Then seemed like co-incidence though we moved to Singapore and I had to go to my first hypnosis session to work on my acrophobia.

I had to live on the 28th floor in the small country with toddlers. My tension was hard to deal with.

I say it was Divine Timing that I ran into hypnosis. Things happen at the best timing and things happen when they were meant to be.

If I didn’t run into hypnotherapy, I would have deepen my confusion and disappointment because I tried everything I could come up with to feel wonderful in my entire life and I just failed.

It felt like the last second of the last minute the miracle encounter with hypnosis happened though I didn’t see that everything was meant to be at the beginning. Now I know that everything was beautifully planned.

As you notice, because of my background including the era that I grew up, I had a strong belief that something from outside will fulfill me at the end.

Mainly it was about materials, like money or even children.

At the end of the long journey, I realized that I wasn’t looking for money or chidden, but I was looking for “satisfaction” in other words, “happiness”.

And nothing from outside will give it to me and to anyone else. It was when I realized that.

I was looking for my own happiness in my entire life and I was trying to get it from outside.

And, I realized that my approach and strategy were completely wrong up to the time in 2011.

I understood clearly that the situation that I have in my life or something comes from outside has nothing to do with my happiness.

I can feel happy today even though there is no change in my situations or conditions. I don’t have to get anything in my hand at all.

I can simply decide that I am happy.

It was such a life changing experience for me so I started running business even though I was unemployed for 8 years prior to the time.

I was 50 pounds lighter in the result too.

I never dreamed of publishing a book though I was persuaded somehow so I started writing my very first book one day and found a publisher in a few months.

The book is about how to live happily, of course and the book is introduced at the beginning of this column.

Paper and also e-book are available now!

Have a wonderful day!

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