Hello!
It is everyday that the fall is getting deeper in New York City. Before the real cold air comes in, it is the one of those best seasons here.
Now on, we have Halloween, Thanks Giving and also Christmas. This season is always exciting as usual.
We will have more opportunities to meet people or we will go and see our own family in this season. It is exciting season though same time, it could be a stressful season too.
In family members, our boundaries get fuzzy because we are so close to each other as living in the same house or having such extra ordinary emotional intimacy each other.
Family members share some of our own privacy that we never show outside the family or some information that we never share outside the family.
In this sense, it is common that we have more ego centered communication within family. Then we tend to violate the boundaries on our own with our own family members.
Of course, not only family members, but also romantic partnerships have same tendency. At the beginning, we try not to show who we are though it is nature for us to reveal who we are in the progress of the relationships.
That is why it is so important for us to feel like we are lovely in our own skin. If we love ourselves, it is going to be much easier for us to have great relationships.
When you love yourself, we tend to think that others would love you easily. In self loving, we accept who we are including our own imperfection so it would make us easier to love someone else who has as well as us imperfection too.
It is not just about relationships and romance. It is every where that we have opportunities to accept ourselves for who we are with imperfection and flaws.
Not only our beings but also even this entire world has imperfection too. There is no one without flaws and anyone or anything in this world got good things and bad things within.
For example, our work. Even when we love our work itself, we may not like the commute or maybe our boss.
Even though we live in a country of peace and safety, we have to be aware that there are wars or killings in some parts of this world.
Even though we live in a safe society without war, we may feel disagree with some systems or something unreasonable in this society too.
Everything and everyone got good points and bad points as a fact. When that is persons or things, we will feel positive when we pay attention to good things in the subjects.
When we pay attention to only good things in a person, the person looks like a good person and when we pay attention to good things of this world, we may feel wonderful about this world.
Pay attention to good things in any subjects, it is called positive thinking for sure.
If you can’t help noticing flaws even when people admire you or you can’t stop criticizing your partner even when everyone says that they are wonderful, you must not prating positive thinking.
When we criticize ourselves, we tend to be harsh on the others. Some people don’t openly show criticism though self criticizing people have negative perceptions.
It is not enough that we pay attention to good points. If the subjects are people or animals, they act and say things to you.
Yes, they make mistakes. People say something others don’t want to hear or some people cheat on their partner. If it is an animal, they disgrace a space by mistake.
If it is your own puppy and they use bathroom in a wrong place. However you will have to forgive when you see the tears in their eyes with their guilt.
Humans have to behave better than other animals though we make mistakes too as cheating.
Cheating has much more background in depth. We have hard time to understand that they actually know it is wrong but they do it again and again sometimes.
Such as an addiction. They understand that they shouldn’t drink when they are alcoholics. Going back to the addiction is a betrayal for their family and loved ones too.
So as other addictions like drugs. It is betrayal of the family or loved ones too.
As I mentioned sometimes, we tend to do something we love to do in the sense, when our own emotional issues overwhelm us. When we are stressed with our own negativity, we have to do something we love to relief ourselves.
Addicts want to drink to forget something they don’t want to remember. They have to get rid of their concsious because they feel so bad about something inside them. They surely can forget the negativity when they get rid of their conscious with alcohol.
The feelings and senses that you get when some other woman rather than your wife to love you and need you. Feeling needed and wanted, you may not be able to survive everyday life without the feelings sometimes in your life.
At least, when you feel like that being needed and wanted, you may not feel negativity in you. That is the effect and also dependency. The dependency lets you repeat cheating on your partner again and again.
If it is drugs, you have possibility to get killed in overdose. However you would need drugs to get away from your own negativity for some moments.
When drugs are taken away from you, you would need something else to relief yourself. for example, you will eat more when you quit smoking.
Smoking is one of those distractors that I am mentioning. Distractors distract you from your own negativity and give you temporary relief.
If it is substance causing addiction, it is going to be not only emotional dependency of the behaviors but also physical and chemical addiction too. It would be more tricky for you to get out of it because it is addiction too.
You still got negativity and had to quit smoking, you would surely need something else to relief yourself.
A lot of people would go for eating and gain some weight. Everyone says that they enjoy food better because they stopped smoking. However they just got shifted distractors from smoking to eating at the end.
As I mentioned, you may get killed if your distractor is drugs. You know it though you would still want it because you desperately will need something to get away from your negativity.
In the sense, it is going to a path of self destruction. It is dramatic if I say self destruction and you may say that you will never do it to yourself.
Then have a think. For example, over-eating. You will put too much food into yourself that you can’t digest well any more. Your digestive systems scream no to you then.
“Please, no more because we can’t handle the food and digestion.” However over-eating would force yourself to digest and chronic digestion problems.
In the result, you may get large with high blood pressure, colesterole. Then you may get a disease like stroke or heart attack to jeopardize your life.
I can say that it is a self destruction in a very slow pace in this sense.
As I mentioned, repeated cheating got deep background relating to the person’s own emotional issues. In the sense, as a professional, I say that the behavior will never be diminished until the person resolves their own emotional issues.
I say that it is nothing to do with the partner. The partner is not good enough or anything like that at all. However it is surely hurtful to the partner too.
The cheater is not dumb or ignoring what you promised. It is just a dependency for the cheater to cheat.
That is why it is all up to the partner to forgive the cheater or not. If I were you, I would send my partner to fix their own negativity and emotional issues to get rid of cheating habits. At the end, the blame is only their negativity in them to let them cheat.
It is not alcohol to blame for alcoholics or mistresses or misters to blame for cheaters. When alcohol, mistresses and misters are taken away from them, they will still need something to relief the pain from their own negativities.
That is why I put the kind of dependency aside here. However all those misbehaviors or inconsiderate words in everyday life for you to forgive or not.
When you pay attention to good aspects and assets of the persons and forgive their mistakes or not. Being generous or kind that you can present to the others in everyday life.
Yes, love is to accept good and bad in the person, forgive their mistakes, and at the end of the day, you care about the person in a true way. That is love for sure.
Are you practing this “love” to yourself? Accepting good and bad in you, forgive all the mistakes you made, and at the end of the day, you say “good job” to yourself and care about yourself. Do you?
That is self love and if you are doing it, you must be happy. There is no secrets or boundaries with your and yourself.
When you can love someone who you know very best in this world, it is yourself, it is going to be easy for you to love someone else.
It is the only way to live happily, I say, when you acquire true love and fulfilled in everyday life.
Love yourself and others. It is truly the true positive thinking, isn’t it? That revolution can surely happen to you of course when you use subconscious on your side in hypnotherapy.
I am offering Skype and in person sessions. I am looking forward to seeing you!
Have a wonderful day!
