I am glad that positive thinking is always the interesting topic for people.
I got to know how enthusiastically we want to be a positive person in this occasion.
Thanks for supporting too and I want to talk about positive a little here too.
People tell me all the time wanting to keep themselves positive.
Some people told me that they were keeping themselves to be positive all the time so they don’t know why things didn’t come through in their favor.
Well, I must say that things just don’t come through sometimes and it is not even bad things.
Whatever the thing didn’t come through but we don’t have to take it as negative at all, that is one thing.
It was probably supposed to happen in the way exactly so there should be reasons why they didn’t happen in the way we expected.
Because we learn something from the experience or we will be glad that it didn’t come through much later when we accomplish bigger.
There should be good reasons why things don’t come through so we should actually appreciate it every time, I know that it is not easy…
If we complain about our bad luck and get upset, our attitude seems like we didn’t learn anything from the experience so we may have the same type of experiences again and again.
Expectation, our personal plans or our wishes, they are within the topic of control, I say.
We want our personal favors come true ? Well, sometimes personal favors don’t come through, simply saying.
We are learning to let go of control for one thing and also doing something even more valuable like something good for this world should be prioritized all the time, right?
This world’s success should be more important than our little plans of success, shouldn’t it?
Things should come true when we do great things in this world and sometimes we get great rewards too, we should remember it.
Second of all, we don’t have to be positive at all. We don’t have to feel pressure to keep ourselves positive at all either.
Because we are humans and we have good days and bad days everyday. Nobody has sunny days everyday.
Even the great Shakyamuni one day had tears in his eyes because there is always people’s suffering even though he trained himself everyday working his hardest.
It was White Tara was born from the right eye tear and Green Tara was born from the left.
Actually I became familiar with this story for some particular reasons. Something very extra ordinary happened in my life relating to the goddess and changed my life from the root.
That is why I know this story. I wrote this story in details and finally my book is published in the US. If you are interested, please go to Amazon and type in my name, Mitsu Emig.
Or simply click here to look at this book.
I said that we don’t have to feel pressure to keep ourselves positive at all, and yes. If you don’t feel positive, don’t feel positive and it is ok.
Well, if you absolutely don’t want to be positive, please refuse to be positive! You can say it to someone if you need to.
Did you say, “Eh?” Did I actually say such a thing ? Is it ok as a therapist?
Yes, I said and it is ok.
Being positive doesn’t lie to ourselves or anyone else, does it? Or ignore our own feelings? Absolutely no, I say.
Being positive is to accept whatever we are for who we are, yes!
It is not easy sometimes to accept ourselves for who we are. It is not like giving up angry talk, it is true acceptance.
Acceptance feels like it is ok in just the way it is and it is very deep feelings, I believe.
Accepting ourselves in just way we are no matter how ugly or imperfect we feel like. It seems like deepest and greatest self respect.
We don’t even have to dive into the deepest self respect yet today, not yet. However you could hug yourself when you feel negative about everything and down.
Accept your depression and negativity once, then you will find something very valuable, I say. Please trust me.
We tend to ignore our little depression or look down on ourselves when we are down. We don’t want to feel weak either.
However true strength is to accept our own most vulnerable moments in our lives. Isn’t it?
Whenever whatever we feel like, we can accept ourselves.
Very simple and effective. Please try!
Now I am finally going back to parenting topic of this week.
I was talking about we have to teach what kind of person our children will be, behavioral patterns and all that when we have wishes for the them who they will become.
I said “teach” though in this case, we can’t tell them and let them understand because saying is not always persuasive.
You can’t tell the child what to do when you can’t do it either.
Thus, naturally we want to show how they do it in our everyday life as a parent.
Like I said, if you hug and accept yourself even when you find yourself as imperfect or ugly, your child will learn the way as standard and usual.
Children watched you accept imperfect yourself then they learn to love and accept themselves when they feel imperfect of themselves.
If you as a parent, can’t accept yourself and can’t love yourself, children will learn the way as normal.
Whatever that is if it is out of ordinary in our everyday life in the household, children will take them in as normal because it is happening in their everyday life.
That is why violence will be normal when it was happening everyday in their lives and the experience will lead them to be with violent person in their adulthoods.
Because whatever the way, children pick it up as normal if it was happening everyday. It is a simple reason.
That is why child abuse victims often times end up with abusive partners in their adulthood.
Outsiders don’t understand that victims can end up with abusers again in their adulthood.
Reasons are simple that those victims learned a standard, which was abusive household relationship so that is what they should have when they have their own household.
I use this example all the time because it tells it clear. For example, it was always raining since someone was born for 10 years, let’s say.
Every single day, it was raining though one day, the sky cleared up.
The person is fascinated with the sun shine and feel how wonderful the sun is.
However the situation changes after a few days. It starts feeling unusual for sure.
He/she gets insecure and feels like it was supposed to be raining but why?
It was always rainy so the sun is such an unusual environment for them.
At the point, he/she doesn’t think of how wonderful the sun is. It feels just so strange without rain because the rain was normal.
Some abuse victim meets someone wonderful and the person treats him/her very well. The victim feels so happy and got to know the relationship was something he/she always hoped for.
The honeymoon period must be amazing though…
After a while, he/she starts feeling that the partner was supposed to abuse her. However the partner doesn’t because he/she is not abuser like the victim’s family that the victim had as a child.
Then the victim starts trying the partner. Typically the victim may start acting out to make the partner angry.
As a child, the victim got to know that wrong doings made the parent(s)
angry and they hit her/him.
If the victim can create the same environment with provoking the partner, abuse may happen, the victim thinks, well, subconsciously or maybe consciously.
The victim may say or do something un-nice and things may be escalated because the partners know each other in details of how to push the buttons.
The victim may go far like cheating on the partner and the partner may go for physical in the occasion.
Once the partner goes physical, the victim goes, “I knew it. I knew that he/she will hit me! ”.
The victim thinks that it took longer though things came into right places after all.
Do you think unbelievable? However I know that this kind of story is common in reality and also it is basic psychology too.
If you want to change the belief in this kind of case, it may take time because it is radical belief and perception change that abuse is not usual any more.
This is an extreme case though other belief, perception and values work in the same way and often times we block our own potentials because of the wrongfully planted values.
I am going to talk about belief and value change in the tomorrow’s column.
Have a wonderful day!!