It is always about human ego to make trouble in our lives. We make wrong choices and decisions and finally make mistakes and sometimes those are awful ones including crime.
You may say that control is not issues of yours but I say all of the trouble we have is about our control issues.
Everyday we try to control our lives.
When you are in school, you wish to have good grades to get something you want, or you want someone to like you back.
We wish a lot of things and try to control whatever the situation we have and it is ok.
However we get upset when our control fails, then problems emerge.
We can wish though we start disliking the situation when the wish doesn’t come true.
Or our expectation doesn’t meet, then we can feel a lot of stress.
Then we might have a problem in the dependency department.
We love spending time with some people we love but we start feeling pretty upset when we can’t be with them.
We could get depressed and sad at relationship break up and it is ok, but it is going to be a problem and also feeling pretty negative when we start blaming our ex-partner.
At the end, some of us already decided not to fall in love again in their lives because they just want to avoid getting hurt again.
It is defense mechanism and also their expectation is that the bad heart break definitely will happen to them in their lives.
At the work, we expect a lot and dream of the success when we work hard.
However we get disappointed big time when things don’t go in the way we carefully planned.
Whatever that is, it is always about control and control gives us hard time to live positive and also happily.
It is hard, isn’t it? Because we are even getting more and more serious about controlling our lives.
However life is going to be so much easier when we realize that it is impossible for any of us to control our lives.
Letting go of control, it is the best way to live positively!
When there are mistakes and sin, there is forgiveness too. I feel so positive about forgiveness though it is challenging at lot of occasions.
By the way, there is no correlations in-between apology and forgiveness, I believe.
I always question what we do in schools that we tell the child made offense to apologize. Then the child apologizes and the victim has to forgive the offender.
It is nothing to do with apology when people forgive the offender. Apology doesn’t really give forgiveness.
Because apology doesn’t justify any offense that the person made.
Some of my clients as rape victims have hard time in forgiveness, of course.
Apology or forgiveness is not made for the counterpart at all.
Even apology is not for the victim and apology is a sign for the offender to accept their own offense and deal with consequences.
Forgiveness doesn’t justify the offense at all. Forgiveness is a release of negative energy in the victim.
Forgiveness sets the victim free from the feelings of unforgiving and hatred towards the offender.
Un-forgiveness never hurt the offender anyway and it actually only hurts the victim in the action.
There is no benefit for the victim at all when they keep the negative feelings in them.
As I said, apology doesn’t always bring forgiveness.
Apology and forgiveness always happen in the person and for the person. They are never done for the counterpart at all.
There is no forgiveness when your offender apologizes, then maybe you are not ready to release negativity in you and move forward.
However the offender can set themself free if the person decides so. It doesn’t matter if there is forgiveness or not in it.
Of course, forgiveness may help the offender to let go of negativity in them though.
A lot of sins suffer a lot of people and they may have hard time to deal with guilt and they may look for some trigger to release the negativity in them with the apology.
That is why we apologize and also forgive in any forms of statement. We may just wait for the moment to release our own negativity anyway.
At the end, forgiveness doesn’t actually set the offender free at all. Forgiveness actually doesn’t do a lot to the offender.
Forgiveness is a release of negativity though no one can release someone else’s negativity from the person.
Simply we don’t have a magic so we always set ourselves free on our own with forgiveness or apology, or without them.
Only one person who can release negativity in him/her is the person but no one else.
Furthermore, when we forgive ourselves or set ourselves free from negative feelings, the offense will never go away.
It just matters how we face our offense/sin and how we become better persons even we are sinner.
Yes, when you are a rapist, you are always a rapist and you have to find a way to deal with the fact and become a better person.
Offense never goes away though there is nothing good when we keep our negativity in us.
Whatever the mistakes or past as an offender or victim, we have to find a best way for ourselves to keep us as positive as possible and become a better person everyday.
I will talk more in the tomorrow’s column!