Hello !!
It's been so long in New York City this lock down is still going on. Some how I feel like people got used to this situation and got careless about "social distance".
Whatever that is, we tend to be careless when we got used to the situation and that is when we actually have to be most careful.
Personally, I wanted to do positive things in this lock down and started uploading YouTube videos.
If you are not so into reading like me, you can watch those to know how to set your mind positive and all that.
If you are interested, please click here.
It's been a while since people started talking about the lock down affects on not only the business and but also our human relationships.
Of course, we matter much to "physical distance" in-between people so it is natural for us to think about emotional distance too and also our life at the same time.
Today, I want to talk about human relationships. It was easy to guess in this topic flaw and also it is the most common topic for me to talk about in my practice too.
Of course, I am a therapist and we are dealing with emotions of most intelligent and complex beings in this world.
Romantic relationships are included of course and it is the most complex topic that we can ever deal with in this world.
We can always stop seeing them when we are friends. Even, of course, in romantic relationships too. However romantic break up is much more complex than friendship dissolution.
In any romantic relationships, we have some degree of visions of partnerships.
As friends, we don't think about sharing lives together or moving into each other. However there is possibility in any romantic relationships to be partnerships.
Romance is the eggs of family and partnerships, I say. As a creature, our partnerships can bring us off-springs naturally or any other ways too.
That is why we get serious about romantic relationships.
In friendships, we have some rooms to be generous though in romantic relationships, we feel harder to compromise because of it.
Love even in general, it is tricky business and it is, I say, relating to any goals and purposes in our lives.
Desire to be rich, famous, recognized, approved or useful in this world. Those could be our goals.
And, on the surface, it looks nothing to do with love though I believe everything is relating to love.
What we want to do when we are rich is to dine out at fancy places or buy something very fancy. Almost no one wants to be rich and gazes at hard cash everyday alone in a personal space.
I doesn't make sense if no one knows that you are rich. With the same reason, we want to dress fancy with expensive jewelry and others when we are wealthy.
There should be some people who want to enjoy alone in the piles of hard cash. However the feelings are relating to love too.
You want to have feeling of "exclusiveness", only one to be privileged, or desire to feel above all of us like on the top of the world.
It is relating to love too. It is about self esteem and feeling so lucky with ourselves.
Especially showing off, getting attention or respected. Of course, those are relating to love.
Whatever we want is attention from the others and respects to fulfill our own best self images.
The feelings are often times called "satisfaction" and the satisfaction is, I say, the cousin of "happiness".
Emotional fulfillment is called "happiness".
In fact, we know that materialism wouldn't bring us true satisfaction. It is actually up to each individual to decide if we are satisfied or not with whatever we receive.
It is not about things that we receive but it is all about feelings that we receive from the things.
That is why one piece of paper can mean a lot to someone but even fanciest gifts can't fully please someone.
It is not things but values attached to the things and also the values can decide how we feel with the receiving.
Further saying, the values go up when everyone wants. Diamonds are not valued or expensive just because they are beautiful and rare.
Thus even cubic zirconia may have same scientific structures as the natural diamonds, still natural ones are valued much more than the other.
It is not diamonds but humans decide the values of the stone and also feelings that we receive when we receive the stone.
A lot of people believe that diamonds show amount of affection that the person has towards you. That is why it would please you when you receive a diamond from someone you love.
In the sense, ruby can't do the same and it is not ruby's fault. Of course, it is humans, we decided diamonds are better than ruby.
And also diamonds, the best stone can show the deepest love and proof, we decided so too.
All those love that we want deeply, because we believe that those will give us finest pleasure and happiness to us.
Satisfaction and true emotional fulfillments, of course we are the ones to decide to feel that way.
Someone else can't tell us that we should feel completely satisfied with what so ever and whenever the occasion is.
No one can decide that you should feel happy with wonderful life that you have.
No one else can secure your own satisfaction or force you to feel whatever the way.
That is why some people can be truly happy with little while some people can be unhappy with everything others want.
Those are reasons why materials can't satisfy people.
If you feel love in the highest level, it will lead you to feel happy.
Receiving love, not only that, but also tiny little of love that you detect, you could be reacted with the dose and feel happy. Then your life would be most happily different.
It sounds like saving energy.
For example, only a little food can satisfy you... If only little food can give a signal of "full" to your brain, you will never overweight and wouldn't spend so much money on food.
In the planet level, we can save the energy and productivity using on food to something else.
In the current situation, over majority is overweight and spending so much efforts and money on losing weight.
If you have a system that only little food can satisfy you, every problem will be solved.
We can say the same about love. If only little tiny love can satisfy you and feels you happy, this will solve every problem we have when we are feeling unhappy.
Don't you agree?
Well, official strategy of the passage to happiness is to be very sensitive to love. You are activated with tiny little love and produce enormous amount of happy hormone in you and keep enjoying the happiness long time, it is wonderful, isn't it?
Isn't it something we all should be going for?
We should be very sensitive to love. It is like almost intolerance reaction that we detect tiny amount of love and take it into us and react. It's wonderful system, isn't it?
We all want to be very sensitive to love, don't we?
In fact, love is necesity for survival. I surprisingly learned the fact in my Master degree program.
Newborn babies can't survive without love such as caress and caring.
It is unbelievable but love is necessity to survive....
Love is a necessary element for us to survive because biologically we need care as a newborn. We need love in our given system to survive.
It means that we are innate in our DNA to need love. We are programed to want love too.
It is instinct for us to want and need love in the system and we may feel the same way even when we are fully grown.
Like other animals, we all learn how to survive as a young and try to survive in the same way when we are fully developed.
Dogs have their ways to survive and they learn as puppies and try to survive in the way as a grown up and gain their species.
Interestingly, foxes act like dogs when they are raised by dogs. The foxes learned from their parents that are replaced with dogs so they misunderstand their own identity.
Well, more like, those foxes didn't have a chance to learn their manners as their species of fox because they didn't have a proper fox role models.
In the sense, humans are not so different.
We learn as a child how to survive in our life and use the survival skills in our adulthood and have off-springs too.
In psychology, of course, it is obvious that we tend to act like our own parents just because we were shown how to live, act and survive as an adult in our childhood.
We were showed repeated behavioral and thinking patterns everyday from our parents so it is natural for us to act like our own parents.
Whatever the issues we have with our own parents though we often find ourselves looking like our own parents when we become parents.
Simply we got sample of parents and saw them everyday as a child.
In Part 2, which is going to be uploaded tomorrow 12:13am of New York time and also 1:13pm of Japan time, I want to continue the strategy to feel happy!
Have a wonderful day!
