This is the last column in this week and we are talking about parenting, self image and subconscious work to change unwanted perception.
As you know, especially in the US, we say, “I love you.” all the time. If you are an American or in some part of western culture, it must be standard.
However you have to know that saying “I love you.” at every opportunity is not really universal standard.
When I grew up, I never heard my parents ever said that. I grew up in Japan in a really small town anyway.
However even in Tokyo, I don’t think it is standard to express love by saying it.
Probably Buddhism based culture is very different from Christianity based ones though of course I know Christianity culture including Catholic or other religions and we can’t conclude anything just based on any religion and culture either.
Having said that without any judgments of saying right or wrong, expressing something by words does not always work well.
If you say it loud and clear and even you mean it everyday, it wouldn’t take care of everything at all, of course.
Nor you can’t force anyone to trust or love you back either. Some words probably are better than nothing though they don’t cover everything that we know.
We say that we always love our children and no matter what, we will be always here for them. We say those but those words are taken by the children or not, we don’t know.
I say, love, trust and respects are not something you can tell anyone to give or have, or no one can orders or forces to have feel on specific person.
No one can make someone love someone else including Genie of Aladdin’s lamp.
Feelings of love or trust just happen to each one of us when we want it happen to ourselves. All those feelings are in us so we are the only people who can have control over them.
Thus we have to make sure that we earn love, trust and respect from our children and it is not easy a job as we know.
We can’t tell them to understand how we feel towards them or of course order them.
To let them know that we love them is just showing love everyday with being there for them.
Showing them life is good that you literally do enjoy your own life so they will see you enjoying your own life.
Your attitude is like a little BGM and it runs all the time and it become usual for them. Whatever we have everyday becomes usual.
You may not have to literally and physically be there all the time and literally and physically sitting and watching them don’t always give them security or love either.
Your body is there though you could not be meaningful if you can’t support them when they need you.
Instead, if your body isn’t there with the children though it is great if you show up when they really need you, like a super hero.
Trust, consistency, steadiness, or something like is to make us great parents.
Not only showing them enjoying your own life everyday, but also of course you love yourself and life in the situation that you enjoy your life.
If the kind of parents give the children support especially when they need it and give them security and trust with showing up like a super hero even they are not with them all the time.
Seems like a great parent for me.
Furthermore, great parenting should be completed with giving the children abundance of love to make them believe that they are lovable and loved.
How we make them believe that they are lovable and loved? Of course we show a lot of love to them.
Everyday and repeatedly, we sprinkle showers of love on them.
Whatever happens usually becomes usual so when you are loved, being loved should become usual and make them believe that they deserve love.
We give our children abundance of love everyday. We could admire them in many ways how important they are, how much or how we love them.
Because we are in the position to correct them as a parent so we want to give as much as love to them to balance the sum.
When love is not plenty that the children feel like, they may feel difficult to feel loved when they feel criticized with their mistakes.
As a parent, we need to correct them so overdoing of praise and love only work out in the situation, I say.
We have many ways to express love and can be very creative too.
What do you do to let the people who you love that you love them so much?
Hugging, kissing, admiring them how great they are, starring at them, paying attention or anything else?
The point here is whether they are convinced that they deserve love or not.
Your children will change dramatically with this kind of little knack.
Of course hypnotherapy can help them understand properly too and also as parents who want to be positive, yes I can help you too.
However, we should know that no one is perfect and we all make mistakes and that is when we as a parent can show off our great performances.
How to deal with mistakes or how to recover from the down time or how quickly you can get out of the negative place?
Come on, everyone got down times. That is why it is so important for you to know how to get out of it and how quickly you can get out of it.
It is not the end of the world at all if you show your children you suffer from depression and bad self image for years though it is certainly not the best for the children at all.
If that is the case for you, you can at least show your children how hard you work to deal with it everyday.
However of course if you quickly recover from your down time or depression and enjoy your life again, screaming out of “life is good.” in your attitude is, I must say that the best parents.
I wrote a lot about parenting in my book, “ Rules for success―how to live happily” so you can read it if you want.
I work my hardest as a single parent everyday after adopted two teenagers used to my sister’s children when she passed and also I had my own twins pretty much at the same time around 10 years ago.
I was given so many opportunities to learn in the department.
If you want to take a look at my book at Amazon, click here.
Have a wonderful day!!