I feel like everyday is learning from information I get in my daily life and those make me think of something too. I am writing one of those I thought of, today.
I have four children and two older adult ones were adopted about 10 years ago, who used to be my own deceased sister’s children. Two others are boy and girl twins I got on my own going to now an elementary school.
My younger daughter, a twin in elementary school said that she didn’t like doing chores in this summer because she planned it would be relaxing time for her in this summer.
Furthermore, she doesn’t like that I told her to clip her front hair against her own style.
They are born in this free country and growing up in New York City. Who hold the tong in this city? And they don’t have an attitude to follow instructions of their parents either.
I admire American culture though it is quite different from my native culture of Japanese growing up in the environment of obedience and harmony.
It is hard for any of us to distinguish freedom from consideration, opinions from selfishness, or good parenting from self preference.
In parenting, I try to keep it in my mind to make sure of my own motivation why I have to tell my children what to do or what not to do. It is either my preference or right doing of parenting.
I didn’t mean to insist my own style to my daughter’s front hair although I didn’t like the fact that her front hair is hurting my daughter’s eyes.
About chores, of course my job as a mother, I have to raise my children as a people who can well take care of themselves.
In my childhood, I was doing a lot of chores especially cooking while my brother wasn’t doing any of chores. The fact was, I was a girl and he was a boy.
I tell my children including adopted ones who were born and raised up to teenagers in Japan that we all should be able to take care of ourselves until the day that we can hire a helper.
My adopted son wasn’t doing any chores in Japan though now he can do a lot more because of my parenting style.
As mentioned, as a parent, I don’t act based on my own self preference but working for my children’s best interests and independence.
I really want my children to understand that I often times have to tell them to do what they don’t want to do even though I dearly love them.
Repeatedly speaking, love is to accept good and bad in the person, forgive any mistakes they make and truly care about them.
Accepting good and also bad though it doesn’t mean that we will stop telling them their doings are wrong.
Forgiving takes a lot of patience because we will never give up on them for correcting their behaviors either.
It is probably one of most difficult for us to keep correcting and forgiving on their mistakes.
People don’t change so much though giving up on them wouldn’t give them higher chance to correct themselves at the end either.
Correcting them with sincere patience without mixing the virtue with our own personal feelings especially of negative ones is not that easy.
Sometimes their mistakes terribly hurt you. Your child, partner or friends. They could end up with saying that they hate you, for example.
They may blame on you rather than they admit their mistakes. That happens too.
Anyone could get tired of repeated offense. However we will never give up on them when we truly love them.
Nor thinking of getting back on them with some terrible doing to them either.
However, for example, it is not easy to forgive repeated cheating or breaking promise not to drink again.
We know that forgiving is not an easiest task.
That is why no one would be surprised when a suffered partner leave the other in the circumstances.
In psychology, of course there are reasons why this kind of repeated offense occurs and it is always the offender’s personal and emotional issue so their partner doesn’t have any responsibility for the partner’s doings.
However some people blame on the partner when the repeated trouble maker commit another offense.
I am sure that the offender understands how bad things will go when they make a mistake again. However they make mistakes anyway and it is not just because of the addiction issue either.
The offense could be serious enough to ruin their reputations and esteem or risking themselves in a terrible way.
Then the offender needs some serious and professional help.
As I mentioned, there are surely reasons why they unfortunately ruin their esteem and reputations and often times the reason is about negative self image.
It would be hard for you to play a good partner when your own self belief tells you that you are not good enough.
You may think that you don’t deserve such a good parnter after all so personal and internal conflict occures.
That is why high self image is very important for anyone to pursue their own happiness in their lives.
Not only partners and family but also relationships with other people in this world. I mean that broad meaning of love in this world.
By the way, equality and fairness are confusing too for especially children.
Children are so sensitive how much they are gaining while others are gaining too.
They care so much how much they are getting and other’s getting. They have to be given the same. I have some issues with the fact.
I believe that equality is people get the same and do the same. However fairness is much different.
Fairness is not about we do and get the same.
Fairness is that people who can do better or more do actually better and more and in the result or in doing, those cover people who are less capable.
Also those who are more capable should appreciate the fact that they can do more than some of the others. Feeling positive their better capability rather than feeling less because they are doing more than others.
If you feel less when you can do more than others, your life wouldn’t be happy, I say.
You feel less because you are not taking advantage of others while some of the others do it, your life wouldn’t be happy.
However it seems like this concept is much more difficult for us to understand…
We may want to look at this world as a whole, I say.
We want to think of how much we, as an individual can contribute to this world without comparing self to the others.
And we just do our own best everyday in our life.
The doing is going to raise your own vibrations/energy much higher.
I saw a post in a social media and it said, “When you are the sun, stop giving your warmth when someone can’t support your shine.”
I was actually in shock. I bet the sun will never think such a thing. Who is supportive and thankful to the sun?
However the sun shines regardlessly. It doesn’t discriminate either on any of us at all.
The sun doesn’t care who is thankful or not though it shines on each one of us without judgement.
I believe it is love and abundance. Infinitive and unconditional love too.
The sun doesn’t change its attitude based on who it is dealing with either. The sun does what it does regardle