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When life hits you


I have some thoughts as a mother of 4 in my daily life that I am busy. It is not only like I have to go some where but also checking on four of them individually in close range, and I have to help them when they need some help.

When they are babies, I mainly checked if they were dry in diapers or hungry or not. When they grow older, things get more tricky. They may tell me untrue like they are doing ok or manipulate in some situations.

Not only them, but also we have to follow school rules and other rules. Most importantly I am a manager of their well-beings such as what kind of human beings they are becoming in the growth.

We all know that child up bringing is not simple and easy. As a psychologist, I must say that up bringing of the child plays most crucial part of their personality shaping and psychological well being too.

A child gets in trouble at school or in their lives such as having eating disorder or withdrawal from social activity. In my country of Japan, there is “Toko-kyohi” that some children stop going to school in early age.

I must tell you that most of the time, their parents, their marital problems or relationship problems have some influence on the child behaviors anyway.

What I meant was nothing to do with just they are not divorced or have a decent career. It is not mostly based on basic legitimacy of their lives.

The simple and one question serves to know if there is a problem or not in you and your relationships influencing on your child life. That is if you are happy or not. Are you happy?

If you are asked and could say “I am happy!”, I am happy for you. However in my knowledge, the majority would say, “I think I am happy…” or “Maybe…”.

The statement would follow such as “because I have a job and a wife.” or “I am not in trouble and got some money.” or “My kids are healthy.”.

You may say, “I should be happy though I don’t feel the way…”.

I say this again and again though we are the people who decide if we are happy or not on our own. Your marriage, career or children’s health wouldn’t make you happy for sure. Even money doesn’t make you happy.

However strong myth and belief that money, marriage and career would make us happy have been around forever and it doesn’t seem like changing at all.

That belief can make us less insecure or relieved but not happy. That is a reason why we wonder why we are not happy with everything we already had earned.

How do I know the theory? Because I was the one who was always looking for something I didn’t have. Then when I got missing pieces, I wondered why I wasn’t feeling so happy. I asked myself “why?” at each time again and again in the past.

I mentioned that I got four children and two of them (my daughter and son) are adopted who used to be my sister’s ones. They were adopted after my sister passed as teenagers and almost 10 years are passing now since the adoption.

My 10 years old twins are my own so I got four of the children at the almost same time from the situation that I had no kids. This was a huge change for me in my life.

Changes always impact on our lives including our marriage, divorce, child birth or others. Therapists call the changes as life changing events as the terminology.

Child birth, relocation, promotion on career, elderly parent moved in, or whatever of those events are life changing and they would bring us crisis situations or any kinds of problems in the transition.

I shouldn’t say that problems occurs then. Rather than that, I say, the change/transition would irritate or agitate the problems already existed at the first place before the life changing events.

We all have underlined problems and they seem to appeare on the surface when life changing events occur in our lives. The problems become noticeable and could become threats on our marriage or stable life styles.

That is when we find the fact how vulnerable our lives, marital relationships, or any relations in our family members are so our life may corrupts like a sand castle in the sense that people describe sometimes.